My first ever diet was at the age of 12. I was so unhappy being the heavy girl in class. The chunky girl. The thick girl. Ultimately the fat girl that I begged my mom to help me get skinny. Together we joined a weight loss program. I got my books and eating plan and over the summer I lost 15 or 20 pounds. It's interesting to me that I can still remember how it felt to go school clothes shopping that year. I remember my wardrobe from 7th grade better than any other in my life. I remember the outfit I wore on the first day of school and I can still see the looks on a other kids when they realized who I was.
This morning I made my meal plan for the coming week. I sat with my, practically memorized, materials and planned what I would eat that is "fix approved".
Then randomly my mind went back to that summer of 1990 when I would do the same thing but with different materials. Then I became sad because I spent my life unhappy and overweight because I didn't get then what I finally get now.
I spent years doing all the wrong things…
Pre packaged "heathy" food
All fat free
I even had weight loss surgery in 2009!! So drastic and ultimately unsuccessful and unhealthy for me.
I then realized this morning that these systems did not help me learn to nourish my body but ultimately taught me to mistreat and disrespect my body. I never got the concept of fueling my body with what it needed to function optimally!
I am forever grateful that I found the 21 day fix and my beach body coach! With this system, encouragement, and support I finally learned to love my body and all its imperfections. I learned, and still am learning, to treat my body well, not hate it or punish it for carrying extra fat! I am continually shocked that when I am living healthy and eating the "fix way", as I like to say, I actually eat more food in a day than ever before. Notably what I am eating is very different as I finally learned to put foods into perspective such as cheese and sugar. For me knowledge is key to change.
My new truth is that I let my nutrition go over the past 6 months or more and my body is showing me the effects. I hate it, I am disappointed in myself, and I am once again miserable. I see that fat girl in the mirror all over again but time I know what to do. I am not searching for the newest diet because the last one failed. It didn't fail. I didn't fail. I stopped working for it.
I said from the beginning of my journey on the fix that this isn't a diet for me but a lifestyle and it's one I have to choose everyday!
So once again I am committed to choosing it. I am reminding myself that I am worth it. No magic pill and No shortcuts. I have renewed my commitment to put in the time and effort, both in my kitchen and in my daily workouts.
I wish I could go back and tell my 12 year old self all of this but since I can't I am sharing it here. I want to tell whoever is struggling to lose weight to love yourself and your body. Be ok where you are in the process learning to make one healthier choice each day. They add up and get easier. I believe we all would benefit by no longer dieting but instead eat real food by eliminating chemically processed foods as much as possible.
I realize that I may never be my ideal weight, I now know that I will never arrive and get to stay skinny. I have to put in the work today for a better me tomorrow. I also know that I won't ALWAYS make the right choices but I am promising myself to never stop trying to be better and to keep learning from my mistakes.
Today's workout was dirty dozen on demand followed by my yummy shake in the sun.