I have been struggling you guys. I have been struggling since June. How is it that the one thing you want more than anything else – my husband coming back from deployment – can be the one thing that leads to such crazy chaos that you lose sight of the other thing you wanted and fought for – ie. my health and fitness?!
Last August when I started my journey with Beachbody I promised myself to give it my all. Phil was here and for the first two weeks he did my workouts with me. He made it possible for me to really focus on my food and only my food while he cooked and fed himself and the kids. He is pretty awesome like that! It was tough but it worked and it provided what I needed to be in a great groove when he was off to Korea because I was in such a rhythm that feeding the kids healthy right along side myself was easy peasey!! I missed him so much, always do when he is gone, but because I had my challenge groups and the kids I put all of my energy into making the healthy changes I needed to be successful for life, or so I thought.
After about two months of living what I like to call the 21 day fix way I promised myself that I was NEVER going back to my old unhealthy ways. This was the life for me. Eating healthy really became second nature and if I missed a workout I felt like poop so I didn’t miss a second one. I set goals and truly crushed them.
I thought that I was mentally prepared and strong enough to continue to kick butt without skipping a beat when Phil returned home to us, yeah well I was wrong.
That is the thing about being an Army wife… you think you have this deployment and reintegration stuff down but it still knocks you off your feet EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Worse yet is that it does it in a whole new way and you are so taken back by it. I find myself left shaking my head and thinking but I love him and missed him so much. It was so great before he left, we were so in sync and the best of friends, what is going on??? After 12 years with this man and living this life I think I am a pro or at least I think I should be but if anyone thinks a “normal” marriage is hard, and the divorce rate in the U.S. would indicate it is, you should try a military marriage because it is even harder!
Through life we all change. I was changing a lot while he was gone, inside and out. I liked the changes, LOVED them in fact and I never wanted to go back wards but I found that when he walked through the door and was living in our home again I did not know how to be the healthy fit Alina, I only knew how to be the old unhappy and unhealthy Alina. Sounds crazy I know but it is true and unless I recognize it and own it, I can’t change it.
So today I am owning my own mess ups and slips backwards. I am claiming every emotional eating decision I have made, oh the chocolate chip cookies that have been enjoyed, and every workout I skipped. I am resetting my mind and have started to replay all the same thoughts and inner dialogue I did last year to get myself motivated and on track. My favorite Autumn-ism as I like to say, is “Get your mind out-of-the-way” from Autumn Calabrese during the 21 day fix plyo workout. I am letting go of the past few months and starting fresh today.
It isn’t a Monday or the first day of a new month but it is the day that I am taking back control of my eating plan and my workouts. I am going to work hard to be the best me I can possibly be.
Since June I have gained 9 pounds. I was down to 155 pounds and today I am back up to 165. But I know I am still winning the bigger battle as I am not 198 pounds like I was last August and I wont be again. My size 8 shorts fit still, they just are not
nearly as comfy or loose as they were in June. I can still hit the pavement and put in a good jog as well as when I press play on my workouts my body is still showing me the progress I have made.
Health and Fitness really aren’t destinations but lifestyle choices. Ones we have to give our attention to daily or else it may become easily lost. We also have to change it around a bit from time to time to be successful and that is exactly what I am committed to doing.
I was up at 0500 and pressed play on my workout at 0545 and although I hated every second of it, TRUTH, I gave it my ALL! I am happier now than I would have been had I not done it and I am energized with my whole day ahead of me!
Here is my last truths of the day, I will slip again, I know I will and that is ok but this is my “public service announcement” (wink wink) telling the world that I am in it to win it for life by loving and caring for my body the way it deserves! Best part about this is that I know it will reward me greatly for it too!!