This morning, my saturday that I am supposed to get to go slow and drink coffee while sitting on my hinny on my couch, was taken over by a necessary evil CPR class. It is one of those things that is required in my nursing life. The morning started out ok, I got up and ready, I ate a healthy breakfast and I packed my healthy lunch. I enjoyed one cup of coffee with my hubs and then headed out. Things started to go down hill as I realized with 30 minutes to drive 32 minutes I had to stop and get gas, now behind another 5 min I am pulling on the highway when it dawns on me that “my head hurts” because I forgot to take my ADHD med as well as left my beloved second cup of coffee at home. This isn’t off to a good start. I somehow have to sit in a class for 6 hours and not squirrel off too much. Granted I know my CPR but how well do I know the most current standard is the question. Seriously you have no idea how much CPR has changed since my first class back in highschool. Example, anyone remember the finger sweep? yeah you definitely don’t perform that one anymore. Anyways, I made it through my class, I have my current BLS certification again and I am ready for the phone call getting me back to work.
As I make the drive home, horrible Oahu traffic per usual, I was mentally planning out the afternoon only to walk through the door to become irritated and overwhelmed with feelings of exhaustion. Any and all motivation I might have had between leaving class and getting home is completely lost. I want chocolate. I want coffee. I want snacks and not healthy ones. I put on my workout pants hoping it gets me moving towards my workout. NOPE. I ended up on the bed and asleep. Two hours later I am up to drink a cup of coffee and make dinner. Kids and hubby playing games, laughing and being silly. While this is a sound I normally love this evening I am feeling irritated and frustrated by the noise. This is my real feelings. This is the way it is some times. When it is I hate myself. I hate that I don’t have the natural desire to just do it anyways. I hate that I am not the happy go getter me at all times, every day, regardless of my “feelings” and “moods”.
It is true that 85% of the time when I force myself out on the pavement jogging it out or press play on a workout video I end feeling more like myself. Sadly today I just want to sit and veg. I spent 38 years wondering what it was that made my head hurt and sent me spinning out of control. I finally have an answer and I deep down know that had I taken my med this morning this evening would be better. Lessons learned and tomorrow is a new day. For now I have this sweet boy giving me love. I will join in the game fun and say goodnight to you all and tomorrow I will be back with more encouragement to make life great!!